Done!!!

Sorry not to post last night but I just needed to process the day. Thank you all for your kind and loving comments. I may not have met you in person but I feel that I know each of you and I know that your comments were sincere and from your hearts. They really helped as I read them yesterday afternoon before I had to leave for the closing on my parents' house.

Yesterday was the finish of a stressful school year and the final chapter of what was left of my parents' worldly possession, their home.

The kids just had to go to the closing Mass and get their report cards and they were out of there by 10:30 AM. The Mass was beautiful and Father said such beautiful words. I have always felt part of this Church community from day 1 shortly after we moved last year. This just sealed it. I know I made the best decision where our Faith and my children's education is concerned. As I sat in Church, I offered a little prayer to God for my strength to get through the rest of the day. You see, the tightness in my chest and knot in my stomach were huge yesterday. I prayed for peace and mercy and the strength to hold it all together as I knew at that moment I was doing it alone. That is nothing new to me as I am an only child and it was only right that I do this one final thing alone. I didn't want it to be that way and I told God.

My children came bouncing out of school with their report cards. Gosh, they did so much better than I ever expected. DD brought up grades that I didn't think she could bring up any higher as they were wonderful to begin with. She also told me that next year she will be with Mrs. H and so will her two bestest friends, M and A. I couldn't ask for more. As for the two pets of the room. Well let's just say that they have been separated. It will be nice not having to deal with their mothers who have become unbearable the last couple of months. My friend R (A's mom) and I were practically dancing in the school yard.

DS passed everything and even brought up grades. The best was Math. He went from a 73 on his report card to an 80. I did the dance in the school yard when he told me that. He also got Mrs. C who is the less tougher of the 7th grade teachers. He has told me stories through the year of how Mrs. D (the other 7th grade teacher) always hollers and the teachers on the 3rd floor need to close their doors when she starts. So that is a relief. He will have Mrs. D for a subject but that is that. My only hope is that 7th grade is good for him. Hopefully the tutoring he receives this summer will prepare him even better for the challenges ahead in 7th grade. He was very happy yesterday and I couldn't be more proud.

We came home and I told the kids on the way to say a prayer for me as DH was not coming with me. I told them that after seeing their report cards and listening to them that I gained the strength I needed to complete my task for the day.

In that short ride, my prayers were answered. I came home and there was message from DH telling me that his job in New Jersey was cancelled and he would be home in more than enough time to come with me and support me through the closing. I couldn't believe it. My day was looking brighter and brighter.

My sis in law came to get the kids and gave lots of hugs. Cathy and Jo, you will meet her at Hershey. She is my stitchy sis in law. I can't wait to tell her today that Jo is coming. She has heard lots about you Jo. And you too Cathy but she already knew you would be in Hershey. DH came home and got changed out of his uniform and relaxed for a bit. My other sis in law called to offer her hugs over the phone hugs. After that call, I told DH that I wanted to get out of the house as I was pacing. It was well over two hours before the closing so we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond, Target, Lowe's and Bath and Body Works. The first three stores were for things we needed and Bath and Body Works was for me. I bought their Coconut, Lime, Verbena body splash and lotion for the summer. It smells so summery and uplifting. I wanted to treat myself to it and yesterday was the day. I may have to go back today because DD likes it but wants to get her own smell. LOL

We were the first to arrive at the closing at 2:45. The realtor for the buyers was very nice. I waited for my boss (the attorney) and when he came, the realtor took us in the room and we could start doing our part of the paperwork. My realtor (who by the way sold my house last year) came a few minutes later. The people buying my parents house are a brother and sister. They came with their mom. The sister lives in Center City and the mom doesn't want her there. So the brother and sister decided to pool their money and move in together. They were all very nice and offered condolences and remarked at how quickly I cleaned the house out and didn't leave any kind of mess for them. Quickly!! It took me almost a year to do it. They didn't see the worst of it. LOL My boss would not let me read anything which was a good thing. During the settlement, the title clerk kept saying my dad's name and address as did their realtor. I was getting very upset as I was signing these documents. My boss patted my hand a few times as did DH who was on the other side of me. At one point, I was losing it. I went to sign my name and I could not for the life of me remember my last name. Really. It just wasn't there. I nearly signed my maiden name. I took a deep breath, told myself to think and there it was. I signed it and gave it to my boss and sat there. We were finished at that point but had to sit through their signing of stuff. The tears were there and I was playing with the pen (this was DH's tip off that things were not good) but the pen helped me not to start blubbering. A few short minutes later, the title clerk said DONE and I was the first out of my chair. I wished them all luck and told them that the house was full of joy and happiness. The mom said she felt that the first time she walked in. It made me feel great knowing that someone else felt the joy that I did growing up there. I was between DH and Ray and we moved right out the door after shaking hands. It was now 4 PM. I was in the parking lot and my boss said he would come Monday so I could sign the check for the estate and we could draw up the final paperwork. That will be easy for me. Being a typist, I tend to not read when I type so the typing of my father's name will not be too much of an issue and my boss has a tendency to talk to me as I do stuff for my dad's estate so I don't get all teary.

DH and I got in the car and he told me I did good. He mentioned he saw me going downhill and told me he was amazed that I put myself together. I wasn't about to cry in front of total strangers but it was hard and the pen helped. He laughed cause he said I always holler at the kids when they do stuff like that so he knew it wasn't a good thing when I was playing with a pen and not paying attention. LOL

I got in the car and then I felt it. The knot was gone as was the tightness in my chest. I can only describe my feelings to you as empty. I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. I guess I was a little numb and that could explain why I felt that way. There was no happiness or sadness, just emptiness. As we were driving home, DH and I were talking and then I felt proud. Proud that I did it. Proud that I honored everything for my parents. Proud that I know that they were up there looking down and that they know I did it out of my deep love for them.

We got DD (DS wanted to stay with his cousin) and came home. We had dinner and I made a few phone calls. I relaxed the rest of the night as by that point I was very tired. I didn't even stitch. Today I am ready to clean and tackle my chores that have gone untouched in a few days. That is a good feeling on my part.

From beginning to end, I never waivered from their final instructions for me. Believe me, there were times that I was about to renounce my right to administer the estate but I never spoke those words to DH or my boss. I swallowed hard and moved on. I started this journey two years ago after my mom died. I took care of my dad the best way I knew how and honored my mother's request as to where my dad had to stay for care. When my dad died last year, I honored both of them by continuing my journey alone through all of their possessions. I knew exactly what to keep and what to sell or dispose of. It may not seem like much to others but I have a legacy that is priceless and now in my attic. I can't look at it now but I will. I also have things displayed throughout my house and there are a few wooden ducks and a birdhouse that DH and DS will finish. My dad liked to carve. DH and I did this with no outside help. He was my rock. Toward the end, my children helped. I think by doing this, it helped all of us and they come away knowing what I have known for 42 years. My parents were devoted to one another and loved me deeply. They went out of their way to help others without expecting anything in return. They raised me well and til the end I was by their sides. I told them both to stay by my side and they are. I feel them especially when the going gets tough which it has recently. This door has softly shut but they will continue to be with me as the new door is now opening wider.

I have grown more as a person in the recent past. It just goes to show that even though they are not here with me, they are still loving me and guiding me through my life's journey. I know they are proud and the stars will shine brighter tonight with their pride and love for me and DH and my children who they absolutely adored.