End of Summer Revelations

I realize that summer isn't over but today is the last day of August and in one week's time, I will be back to the hustle and bustle of the school year for my 6th grader and 2nd grader. Next week starts a new adventure in our lives and from now til then, I will finish preparing for it. The past few days have had me thinking about all that has happened this summer.

This summer was busy for us. We purchased this house in June and moved from the city to the suburbs of Philadelphia. I was traumatized cause I have been a city girl all my life. But I love being here in the suburbs. I moved from an area where I had a ton of neighbors to where I have less but they are all wonderful and I love my new street too. Recently I made a new friend, thanks to my DD, and we are so much alike it is almost scary. I love it.

I now live near my dear father in law and two of the best sister in laws around. We have always been close, but we are now closer. In fact, my one sis in law is a stitcher and we have even been stitching together. Too cool in my book. I have 3 nephews (23, 20 and 8) and 1 niece (21) who are always around. My niece is also a stitcher and her, her mom and I attend CATS every year. I have two great brother in laws too. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am truly blessed. I love having a big family around. You see, I am an only child born to the greatest parents around. They were my best friends. I lost both of them within a year (my mom in 2003 and my dad in 2004). I now have the two best guardian angels around and I feel them every day as if they were still with me here. My loss was great (and still is) so moving was the best option. I love being around family.

Things happened with an uncle and two cousins of mine this summer that came to a head yesterday. You see the three of them are self-centered and have always been jealous of my life. Why, I don't know cause I am just average. They somehow twist everything I do to make it about them. What you see is what you get with me. My DH says it is because I am always truthful and giving and caring and loving and I never want to hurt anyone. He says I have never tried to be something I am not. He made me cry when he said those things. He also said they wish they could be like me. They have been talking about me to other family members and I found out. These three never counted on me finding out. They were very hurtful to me and when another uncle called to tell me, I was devastated. DH became angry and said enough is enough. Even though we feel family is important, we don't need the venom these three are spitting out. So last night when the cousin called, DH took matters into his own hands and ended it all. I was upset but I was more upset because these three were very close to my mom. I was upset because I felt I let my mom down but in reality, they let her down. Said cousin didn't count on DH telling her to stop calling me and to stop lying to me. She tried turning it around to telling him that I was at fault. DH and I have been together for 21 years and never once have I waivered from the path of my life. After all was said and done, I felt such a relief wash over me. I didn't count on that feeling of relief. I can move on without their baggage that always brought me down. While I am sad at the outcome, on the other hand, I am happy that the choices I have made to move and move on with my life are all good. My parents brought me up to live in the present and future and leave the past behind every night. These three think I should live in my past. Hey, I would if I could. My past was good even with all the bumps in it. It is my past and I am proud of it and would do it all over with very few minor changes. But my present and future are just as good and something I am looking forward too. This morning I looked in the mirror and realized that I can look at myself and be proud of all I have done, all I am doing and all I will do. I can't say the same for the three of them. I feel very sorry for them but there is not much I can do to change them even though I tried. I can only learn from this experience and move on. And moving on, I am.

When my mother was ill, I lived by the motto that what didn't kill me made me stronger. I also lived a day at a time or when the going was tough I lived moment by moment. I came out of the whole tragic experience, a bigger and better person. Someone to be proud of. When my mom (and then my dad) passed away, I said I had no regrets and no guilt. You see, my parents always knew how I felt about them. I was always with them or always on the phone with them. A year and a half later, I can honestly and truly say that I still have no regrets and no guilt.

As of today, I am moving on and having a fresh start. I have a DH to love, children to love and raise and the most wonderful in-laws and friends around. I may not have a huge house or lots of money but I have a lot of love. Some may say that is not much, but to me it is priceless. I am looking forward to the start of the school year because it means a new beginning and a new adventure in our lives in the suburbs.