The Conference

Well I am back. I just got in about 15 minutes ago. It went much better than I anticipated. I think it is because DH was with me. Ms. D was not expecting that at all. I could tell when we walked into the classroom. She started by giving his grades to date. They are all okay and in the 80s with the exception of math. Of course DH and I realized that they were going to be this way considering it is a new school, etc. She looked at each of us as she told us the grades and did not see any surprise look on either of our faces. N has about a month to bring up the grades and if this week is any indication, then he will do it.

She started to dig in about lack of focus, sloppiness, attention, etc. I shot right back....politely. I surprised myself and DH. Then she went on about those test corrections. She said he put no effort into them. Well I felt my blood pressure rise and then it came out. ACK!!! I calmly (surprised myself) told her that did she realize he was doing them til 10:00 Wednesday night and again til 10:30 on Thursday night. She didn't know what to say. She said that there was no way. Lucky for me, I wrote down all he did those two days, memorized it and rattled it off. The list of subjects and assignments was long. She had no answer. I wanted to go further but DH interrupted. I think he heard my tone which was getting a little angry. The grade still stands but I told her that in the future, he will not be making corrections if I feel he will be up til all hours of the night. I also said that it is fruitless if he does all that work and then not get any credit for it. I also asked her if she realized my name was on everything as I sign it. Her answer.....I need to let him do things on his own and not do it for him. I told her I will not let that happen. If I see him becoming overwhelmed, I will do all in my power to relieve it for him. Then I shut up. I couldn't go on and I let DH speak. I said everything I needed to. I also think and DH agrees that I did it very cool and polite. He also noted that I got my points across and she actually listened to me unlike our first meeting. DH then took over and spoke very well and much better than I would have. The teacher was all sweetness after that.

The one other point I brought up was how he had a banner year last year. Her response....this is not his old school and she is sick of hearing about it. My answer...You may be sick of hearing him about his old school but do you realize that all he has known for 5 years was his old school and its ways? Do you realize it is too easy for an 11 year old to revert back to something comfortable? Do you understand that his teachers last year (he had 3) nutured him and brought out a creative side that we never saw? Can you see why he is longing for it back? Do you understand he is trying the only way he knows how to fit it? (I actually said it and it was a long run-on question as I wouldn't give her a chance to interrupt me. I had to get it out) She thought about it and told us she would be more understanding but it is important that he do as she says so he learns the new school better. We told her we realize that and we are trying but we see him becoming overwhelmed and when he does, he goes back to what is comfortable. It is human nature after all. She agreed after hearing me. We don't want him to hate school. She will back off a bit and we will reinforce that things will be okay if he just listens to her as she teaches and learn the new way better than he has been. She also told us that he can go to her anytime if he feels unsure. I know N was worried about doing that because he doesn't want to look "dumb".

I think she realized for the first time that N is being raised by two loving parents that want the best for him and that we will always be in his corner. We also mentioned to her that we know him better than anyone and we know what his strengths and weaknesses are. She seemed a bit surprised. I guess being a teacher, she sees lots of parents that just don't give a hoot. All in all it went well. Actually much better than I expected. She said for me to keep in touch and gave me her phone number extension in the school. She said she will be more available and will help N the best she can. She also said she realized a few things after we brought them up. I guess it was what I wrote about about his old school and how he is only 11.

So I didn't lose my cool, I was polite and listened and I got my points across. I think we all walked away with a better understanding of N. She did say that he does know the work and even though his progress has been slow, it is progressing. That is what I really wanted to hear. She also said she likes him a lot. That had me worried because I thought she was thinking he was high maintenance. I also feel that having DH there made it worlds better than it would have been. At least she now knows that he has two parents that love their son very, VERY much. To me, that is the most important thing. After all, I didn't bring him into the world for any other reason that to love him and care for him and raise him to the best of my ability.

I also feel that I did not put a target on his back. We left very friendly and there were even a few laughs. I am just glad this one is over. Chances are you will hear me again after the report cards are distributed. I have a feeling I will be there a lot this year. But I will do it because I am N's mom and according to him, I make everything better.

On a side note, DD ended up with her teacher because we had to be there at 8 and I went to say good-bye and ask M if she wanted to go back into the school yard with me. Her response.....No I want to stay here with Ms. S. LOL Go figure. I have one giving me gray hair and the other one just loves every minute she can be in school. LOL

Thanks for sending kind thoughts. I think they really helped me because I actually did it all with lots of grace and calm.