A Surreal Morning

The beginning of this entry is probably going to be a real downer but you will get to learn a little about me by reading. I promise not to end it on a negative note.

This morning I went with my attorney (and boss) to enter my dad's will into probate so I can settle up his estate. While painless in a physical way, it really tugged on my heart in a big way. You see, I am an only child and my parents were my best friends in both life and now their death. No one will ever replace them in my heart. My love for them is truly unconditional. I lost my mom in April 2003 and my dad in May 2004. My mom died after a short illness which caused her kidneys and liver to fail. My dad died from complications of Alzheimers which is probably the most nastiest thing that could ever happen to a person. I promised my mom on the day she passed that she was always with me and I will always be with her. I told her to never leave me. I spoke similar words to my dad while he was suffering from the horrible dementia but I think he understood. To this day, I know they have not left. I feel them everyday. So this settling the estate is just my way of finishing up things for them so they (and me) have no worries. Anyway, enough of that...back to the Register of Wills. Everything went according to the book and I signed all kinds of forms stating who I am and that I am Executrix of the will. Then it happened. The Register asked me to place my hand on the bible and to swear to facts he spoke. Well for the first time, I felt this was final. At that moment, I felt the all too familiar catch in my throat and my voice barely came out. You see, I don't see them as dead. I see them as they passed on to a new life. I see them as whole and not ill or forgetful as in my dad's case. I do not see them as dead. It just seems so final. The Register couldn't be nicer and offered condolences and told me that this was probably the worse of the process as I need to keep my parents intentions (will facts) true and I need to speak them before the law. Of course, I will. I wouldn't be their daughter if I lied or cheated or in any way tainted all they stood for. Again, it just seemed so final. My boss was there the whole time practically holding my hand and we left and he talked of all sorts of things and made me feel better but I couldn't shake my feelings. I drove home in teeming rain and it took me over and hour but I think I finally took a breath when I put the key in the lock of my house. I called my DH and cried a little bit. I don't want to put a downer on his day, so I told him I was going to have a good cry and then move on. And I did. I feel much better and able to write this. I figure by putting this into words helps to heal me. I don't want to keep this bottled in me. I didn't do it when they passed and I felt better much sooner than anyone expected me to. So I figure now, I still need to get it out and what better place than my little place on the net. As this progresses, I will probably write more about this whole process but for now, this chapter is complete and it is now in the attorney's hands for which I am grateful.

As promised, I am not going to end this on a bad note. So I will just mention a few things that bring smiles to my face. DS has to make a cell (as in living) out of modeling clay. Well he needed 6 different colors and I ran all over yesterday and could not find them all. Well...duh...I never thought of AC Moore. So I sent DH there and he came home with all the colors along with a foam board to put it on. Tonight, there may be fireworks in the house as DS and DH will model clay this thing and have it ready for school tomorrow. I am going to steer clear of the kitchen after dinner tonight. LOL I just hope DS remembers to bring home his science book for the "model". Meanwhile, DD is doing great in her reading. She has a reading time every afternoon in school. The teacher requested they bring in chapter books as they take a little longer to read. Well we are in our third full week of school and DD is on her FOURTH book. She is reading "Junie B. Jones" books but I am going to dig out DS's "Magic Tree House" books so she doesn't lose interest. She has also requested a trip to Barnes and Noble this weekend to get some more books. I am happy for her and never deny the purchase of a book.

I didn't plan anything for dinner tonight but I am thinking Chinese. We have not had Chinese since we moved and I want to try something here and find what will be my "favorite" Chinese restaurant for take-out. So when DH gets home, we will try a place down the road a bit.

On the stitching front, I am doing great on my Coffee design. It is going quickly as I am doing it on 14 ct aida as the whole design will be covered and face it, I need a break from the 28 ct. black evenweave that I am doing the dragon on. I have a feeling I will have a scan soon, so keep checking back for any progress.

Right now, I have an hour before I have to get the kids and I am going to settle in and stitch for that hour. Stitching is the best therapy and while it can get pricey it is not as expensive as a psychiatrist. :)) If you got this far, thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day/evening. I promise not to be a downer all the time.